Party Fever

We adopted Rachel at 10 months, and because we had a short period of time between finding out about her and getting her we did not have a baby shower with friends and family. We decided we would combine the baby shower with her first birthday and throw a big "welcome to our world!" party.

And with parties comes many tasks, ideas, thoughts and pressures. Most parents have a year to think of what they want their child's first birthday to be like. We had only two months, and that was in between the chaos of learning how to be Mom and Dad, changing nappies, feeding and getting used to being awake at 3am! So we felt a bit behind when planning what we wanted to include at her party. We decided that this party, although it was a celebration of her, was a great opportunity to bring together all the friends and family that had supported us in our adoption journey. That meant a guest list of over 50 (on the day we counted 70 people). I was overwhelmed by the themes and ideas for first birthday parties that can be found on the internet; anything you can imagine can be done, with the right amount of time, money and effort. The problem was we didn't have much of those!

We decided to not have a theme, and just to provide some yummy food for people and a place where everyone could be together and share in our joy for a few hours. Thinking about how much food you need for 50 people or more was rather intimidating; the largest party I had catered for was 20. We got on the phone and rallied around us some amazing friends who offered to help provide food for the day. My husband decided that he would love to make the birthday cake for this grand occasion and I wholeheartedly agreed as I knew he would probably do a better job than me! And so we made plans for how the day would go, what decorations to have and what food we would make.

As the day came nearer I started to feel rather overwhelmed by it all. Thoughts and doubts crowded my mind and my stress levels increased daily. How many people would actually be there? Would there be enough food? What if the cake flopped and we had no time to find another one? What if important family members suddenly couldn't make it? What if we missed out inviting special people? What would we provide to entertain the kids at the party? What if it wasn't a success? Looking back, I realize much of my time was spent worrying and planning trivial things that don't really make a difference to a party. Who remembers if there were balloons, or chalkboards with messages on them, or special chocolate dipped marshmallows? I let myself be swept away by the little things, and my nerves were at an all time high. Party fever really got to my brain.

I had a revelation during Rachel's party. We gathered everyone around to sing happy birthday and to blow out the candle on her beautiful (Dad-made) ladybird cake. As everyone sang my eyes welled up with tears. This girl, the girl who was the center of attention, the reason why everyone had come to the party and helped with preparations, was our daughter Rachel. A year ago she had been in a hospital; nameless, alone and without anyone to love and care for her. She had no one and no future. In 12 months God had changed her life so drastically. She now had friends and family to celebrate her existence, a Mom and Dad who love her extravagantly, and a future that is full of hope.

Now that is a reason to have a party.

The Call

It all happened so quickly. We had put ourselves at ease because we had asked our adoption agency to give us some time to prepare for a baby after our whirlwind screening was over. We expected a few months to get things ready. We were telling people, “There should be a little one by Christmas”. And then, out of the blue, in the middle of June (TWO WEEKS after finishing screening), we received a phone call. We were both in the car giving two strangers a lift home from a holiday school run by our Church. I answered the phone and heard our social worker on the other side. I blushed (why?!) and looked at my husband with a “oh-my-gosh-the-social-worker-is-on-the-phone” look.

She said, “I know you asked for some time to get ready, but we have a report we want to send you with a child we think is the perfect match for you. We are emailing the report to you, just read it and then give us a call and tell us what you think… It’s a girl”

I put down the phone and squeezed my husband’s hand, bursting to tell him our news but listening politely to the two people in the back of our car sharing their stories with us. That was a long ride back to church; sharing glances, wide smiles, leg taps, simply anything to communicate without blurting out the news to two strangers. We finally got to the parking lot and said goodbye to them, watching as they got out the car and walked away together. My husband looked at me. I started crying. We hugged in the cramped space of our car as I revealed, “It’s a girl; we have a daughter!”

Then it was report time. I was so nervous about seeing the first picture of our child (and yes, we decided that we would accept this child before we knew anything about her. We trusted our social worker and we trusted God). There is so much emphasis put on feeling a connection or bond through a picture, but how much can you tell from a picture? And so it was with great trepidation that we opened the attachment on my husband’s phone and read our child’s report.

When I saw her picture, I could see myself in her face. I couldn’t explain it, we don’t look the same, but I did feel a connection with her and a peace about our decision. What a treasure trove! For months we had been wondering about our child; boy/girl? What would they look like? How old? History? And suddenly, in front of us, was the information we wanted to know. And yet, when you see the first glimpse of your child, none of that really matters. Your heart stops, speeds up, and explodes within seconds, you want to laugh and cry at the same time, and you are bursting with feelings you have never experienced before.

The most amazing thing had happened: we had become parents to a beautiful 9 month old girl!