Waiting

Waiting… we are not good at it at the best of times. In the line to pay for our shopping, sitting at a table wanting our food, awake in bed the night before Christmas.

We want what we want and we want it now.

We live in a society where delayed gratification does not suite our lifestyles. You can order something on the internet and get it the next day. Why wait when you can have it now?

But life doesn’t always work that way, especially when we wait under God’s timing. And that’s what happened to me.

My husband and I always wanted children. From the beginning of our relationship we realized we shared a passion for family and kids. We would talk for hours about the kind of family we wanted, how many children we would have, the things we would do as a family. We both went into teaching, although all the jobs we have ever done have involved interacting with children. So when we decided that we were ready to start a family we thought it would all happen so quickly. Go off birth control - get pregnant. Easy as that.

The waiting is the hardest part. You figure out your cycle, when is the best time to conceive, what you should do and not do to aid conception. And then you wait and see if your work paid off. The first month you are giddy with excitement and SURE something happened. You are petrified and excited at the same time. And then your period comes and you are sad, sure, but also a little relieved, because if you are honest maybe you would enjoy one more month just the two of you.

So another month goes by, and then another. A few words on a page, but its days and days of uncertainty, hope, and disappointment. You think, “How much longer can it last before something happens?” I mean, look around you, there are pregnant women and babies everywhere. It is natural and inevitable…isn’t it?  So you keep going. You stop drinking coffee, in faith. You don’t eat certain foods, in faith. You look at baby clothes and discuss names you like, in faith. But your womb is unfaithful.

So you start doubting God. You start questioning yourselves. Why is this happening to us? What have we done wrong? Is this punishment for some past or present sin in our lives? Do we not have enough faith?

It’s true what they say…the waiting is the hardest part.