Response

Imagine yourself in a stadium, surrounded by people. Sports match, Music concert; either way, there is a buzz in the air. You are waiting for something to happen, the goal to be scored, your song to be played. And then it happens. And the crowd goes wild. Everyone is on their feet, screaming, clapping, stamping, smiling. You can feel the excitement and joy in the crowd.

This is kind of the response I expected when we told people we were adopting. We had been through a process of trying and being disappointed, wanting a baby but not getting there. Then we made the decision to adopt and suddenly hope returned and our world became such an exciting place full of anticipation and exhilaration. And so I would go around telling all I could “We are adopting! We are going to be a family!”

And yet, the response we got was often not one of matched excitement and enthusiasm, but rather of slight shock, a bit of confusion, and a polite “Congrats”. Not what I was expecting! Don’t get me wrong, our close friends and family (especially those who had walked our journey with us) were supportive and happy. But others who we shared it with just could not seem to get it. One person stuck their hands in the air about to jump as they heard “we have some exciting news…”, but when we completed the sentence with “we are adopting” the hands went down and the shout of joy was choked on, with a mumbled “that’s so nice” afterwards.

A lot of people are not where we are in the journey. For us announcing our adoption is like announcing we are pregnant, for others it takes a while to sink in. Many have questions but they don’t know how to verbalize it. Why? Can’t you have biological kids? How did you get to this decision? And so instead of the celebratory hugs and high fives we sit and discuss our process and help people see where our heart is. There is nothing wrong with this. In fact, I love getting the opportunity to share with others the joy that our anticipated adopted child brings us and the journey God has walked with us. But a part of me selfishly wants people to fawn over me with kisses and hugs, squeals of delight and gushes of admiration; the kind of response I have seen friends get when they announce their pregnancy.

But I remember that we are not adopting for the response we will get. We do not need others to be excited for us for it to seem more real – it IS real, and awesome and good! I do not need to put so much importance on what others think of me and my family.

And, I know without a doubt, that my Heavenly Father is jumping up and down, hands in the air, shouting “My darling daughter is going to be a Mommy!”

Expecting

Two lines on a pregnancy test. Morning sickness. A growing belly, and pants that don’t fit quite like they used to. All signs that you are expecting a child. There is no hiding it, within a few months everyone will know. Pregnancy is the visible reminder of a hidden promise; a child is coming! You can be walking on the street, or sitting in a coffee shop, talking to your friends. Your body cannot hide the journey it is on, all can see that you are about to become a mom. Your body is different; you feel nauseas, your waistline increases, you get indigestion, and you start to feel butterflies that turn into miniature kicks. You know and feel the coming of your child every day.

But what if you are expecting but you are not pregnant? My husband and I are adopting a baby this year and are going through our screening process. It is an interesting journey when you are going to become a mother, but no one else can see. You look the same, you dress the same, you FEEL the same. But, you are different.

You want everyone to know what you are going through and feeling, but no one will know unless you say something about it. There is no proof, no evidence of the journey. There is no tummy to guess how far along you are, there is no 9 month time span, no due date, no physical reminder of where you are in the process. And so you are different, you are changed, but still the same.

This “expecting” has reminded me of the true meaning of faith. The Bible says faith is “the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see “ (Hebrews 11:1 NLT).

Sometimes it is hard for me to fully comprehend that I am going to be a Mom. I’m sure there is a similar feeling when you are pregnant, but at least your stomach is a reminder that your life will soon change. Other than my thoughts, hopes and desires which look forward to my child coming, nothing else is different. And yet, my faith is stronger than ever. Never before have I had to cling to faith, sure of its outcome. I cannot see evidence of my baby, but I am certain that he or she is on their way. I am confident that the child I am hoping and praying for will actually come. And so, without any proof, I am expecting…in faith.

“But hope that is seen is no hope at all. For who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently” (Romans 8: 24-25)

Now to work on the ‘patiently’ part…